I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
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