nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
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