Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
