i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
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