i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
We left the knife in your bed.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
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