O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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