I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Randomize
