Cold hands, warm shart.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
