Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Randomize
