I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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