I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
