ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
