I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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