I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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