in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
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