my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
