You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
