My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I need a burrito and a hug.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
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