I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Randomize
