Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
