Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
