how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
