No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Randomize
