Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
it was like eating out sand paper
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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