Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
