i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.