We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Randomize
