They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
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There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
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He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.