We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.