bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Randomize
