I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
