just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
