let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
