I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
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Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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