You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
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