There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
