There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
It's never too late to be topless.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize