Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
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