I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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