Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I cannot find my penis.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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