I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
