We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Blow job season was short but glorious.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
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