Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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