She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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