In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Please, let me fuck your mom
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
