Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Randomize
