I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
she told me i tasted like america
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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