Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
