I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
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