You don't have asthma, your pregnant
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
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