i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Randomize
