I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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