if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
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