the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
