bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
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