Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
