hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
How drunk are you?
Completed.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
