no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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