Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
