wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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