she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Sacagawea was the original milf.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
