New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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