How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Randomize
