There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
