when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
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so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
you inspire me to be a worse person
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
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I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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