Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Randomize
