After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
