Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Randomize
