she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
