We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
