I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
