Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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