So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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