Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
