WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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