Well apparently he's into motor boating.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
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No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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